


Uh Oh, Feelings

by GalacticallyNonbinary



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Gen, Logan and emotions, Logan's an empath, this made more sense in my head, who can feel other people's emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-12 20:11:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticallyNonbinary/pseuds/GalacticallyNonbinary
Summary: Why does he have to feel what everybody else does? He already doesn't understand his own emotions





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Meh, this worked out way better in my head but...

So many emotions. Everyone has their own stupid problems, why does he have to be stuck with all of them?

At a young age, Logan had realized that he was different. Other people’s emotions weren’t as loud as his were, and no one ever talked about feelings the way that he experienced them. After years of research, he had come to the conclusion that he was an empath: someone who could feel the emotions of others.

The fact that he felt so many emotions terrified him, Logan was terrified of feelings. They were too loud, too volatile. As he grew older, he stopped caring. He could feel everyone’s emotions, and he just didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t identify what the emotions were, couldn’t even identify which belonged to other people and which were his. They blended into a spectacular mess of colors from every direction. Even as a part of Thomas, he could feel the emotions of others that Thomas talked to, and he couldn’t stand it. The other sides were even worse, he was never alone. He always felt what they felt.

So, he kept up a persona. Don’t show any emotion, not your own nor anyone else’s. If they don’t think you have emotions, they won’t bother with trying to help you sort them out. Of course, there was somebody he knew that wouldn’t ever stop trying to help anybody.

“Why don’t we talk more?!”

“Do you ever get homesick Logan?”

The comments bore into his skull. Whenever he spent time with Patton, the emotions would drown him, pull him under like a wave. So many emotions coming from one person.

Virgil was simpler, he was usually nervous about something, occasionally mischievous or proud, but he had one major emotion. His feelings were like gentle tides. Sometimes rising, getting bigger and bigger, almost over Logan’s head, but then they’d go back down again, and Logan could be calm.

Roman, while being easier than Patton, sometimes terrified him more. His emotions were more specific, they had motivations and they wanted something. Logan couldn’t ever name any of them, and he hated coming across things he couldn’t categorize.

So, he stayed in his room, reading books. The characters in the books said their emotions, demonstrated them with their actions, and never once did Logan have to feel those emotions for himself. Patton quickly noticed Logan’s avoidance of them, and one night forced the man to watch movies with them. Not wanting to deal with even bigger feelings from Patton, Logan reluctantly obliged, reminding himself that it was just one movie.

He could survive.

Not even five minutes into the movie, and Logan’s fingers tapped on his leg, out of control.

He was nervous, incredibly anxious. That made sense, considering that he most certainly did not want to be there. Or, were those nerves even his own feelings? Were they instead coming from the perpetually nervous Virgil? He was also…excited? The word didn’t fit with the emotion he felt. That had to be from Patton…or maybe Roman…could it be from himself? Underneath it all, he was…annoyed? Confused? None of these words fit, none of them made sense!

He couldn’t figure it out, _he couldn’t figure it out, hecouldn’tfigureitout, **hecouldn’tfi-**_

“Logan, are you alright?”

Patton’s caring eyes, concern seeping from him…was it concern? Was Patton concerned, or was Logan concerned? He couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up and bolted from the room, muttering something along the lines of,

“There is some work I must attend to.”

Logan cannot stand emotions.

More importantly,

Logan cannot _understand_ emotions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan. Hates. Puns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's ready for some crappy, hastily written angst??  
> *silence*  
> *throws this at you anyway*

Logan hated Patton’s puns. But it wasn’t the puns themselves that annoyed him. It was the feeling he got whenever Patton told one. It was bubbly, excited, it grew in his stomach and wanted to come out in the form of laughter, but Logan couldn’t tell if it was even his own laughter that wanted to escape. So, in retaliation, he pushed it down, drowned the feeling under a front of annoyance and apathy.

When he was younger, before he had realized the power he had, Logan had let that laughter flow out easily. He found Patton’s jokes clever and inventive, and the two could spend hours at a time laughing with each other. But as he grew older, and began to understand why his emotions were so strange, Logan trained himself to become more and more detached. He attributed his newly found serious attitude to growing up, but Patton had seen the way he held back smiles and pushed away giggles.

Patton couldn’t pinpoint exactly when Logan had last laughed at one of his jokes. But he remembered the morning that he realized that Logan was no longer laughing. Patton spent the entirety of breakfast making puns and jokes. Roman joined in immediately, and even Virgil let out a few chuckles. But Logan just picked at his food, and refused to look up from his plate.

And so, the emotional trait made constant jokes and puns, all in an effort to hear Logan’s laughter again. He pointed out whenever Logan made his own puns, accidental or otherwise. He thought that if Logan wouldn’t laugh at Patton’s jokes, maybe he would laugh at his own jokes. It was to no avail, as Logan just continued to sigh and roll his eyes at all of Patton’s attempts.

One day, Patton decided to confront Logan. If anything, being in Logan’s room would make him think more logically, and Logan would appreciate that.

“Hey, buddy? Can I come in?” There was a momentary hesitation before Logan responded.

“Sure.” Patton walked into the room to find Logan hunched over a book. Not an unusual sight. “What do you want?”

“Well what makes you think I want anything? I can come in and just talk to you, I don’t need a reason!” Logan eyed him dubiously. “…of course, there might be something specific I want to talk about…” Logan felt nerves creeping up his spine. He wanted to tell Patton to leave his room, it made the other side act so out of character, and Logan hated seeing Patton like that. But he also knew that as long as they stayed in his territory, the emotions from him would be more controllable. So he stayed silent, watching the man sit beside him on the floor. “Do you remember how we used to spend days together just laughing?”

“Yes, that was a long time ago.” Logan swallowed hard, trying to keep his and Patton’s emotions balanced.

“Do you remember the last time you laughed at one of those jokes?” That gave him pause.

“That…was also a long time ago.” Patton looked at him, the hopelessness in his eyes hidden behind a layer of calm apathy. Logan was extremely grateful for the room’s effect. He turned back to his book, trying to ignore Patton’s gaze boring into him. He only got through half of a page before Patton’s words interrupted him.

“Why do you act like you don’t feel…anything?”

“Because I don’t.” It was an instinctual answer, and still about as far from the truth as he could be. “I am the brain, the logic. I may feel some small emotions, but I am ruled by thoughts and intelligence.”

“But that’s not true! You used to be so much happier! You cried sometimes, Logan! You got angry, jealous, excited, and annoyed! And don’t act like it’s because you ‘grew up,’ that’s an untruthful statement, and you know it.” His speech was slightly unusual, no doubt an effect of sitting in Logan’s room. Logan tried to brush off the remarks, but Patton’s brain was whirring at top speed, and he began to piece it together. That was a downside of keeping him in Logan’s room. Patton was thinking logically.

“Logan, what are you feeling?” Logan frowned at Patton. “Answer the question. What are you feeling right in this moment?”

“Fine. I’m feeling fine.”

“That’s not an emotion.” Logan’s stomach was turning, his breath was growing quicker, but Patton wanted to figure Logan out, and the apathy from the room made him oblivious to the small movements Logan made. “Alright, how did you feel in Virgil’s room?”

“Anxious. Obviously.”

“How did you feel when you debated Virgil?” Logan tried to stammer out an answer, but Patton kept talking, more to himself than to the trait next to him. “How about when you had the rap battle against Roman? When Virgil called you the ‘least popular character?’ When we joined in on the video you wanted to be for yourself?” Logan was shaking now. He didn’t know the answers, and Patton saw that reflected in his eyes. “You don’t know how you feel. You never know how you feel, do you?” Patton kept talking, kept coming up with theories and questions, all on the topic of Logan’s emotions. “But whenever one of us is happy, you get happy too, at least for just a second…” He was getting too close for comfort.

“Please leave.” Patton continued talking, unaffected by Logan’s words. “Patton, the room is obviously affecting you, please go.” He stood up and started to pace the length of the rug, and Logan’s heartbeat was growing ever faster. Filled with what had to be something like nerves, worry, or fear, Logan couldn’t help his outburst. “Patton!” The emotional trait stopped pacing at the sudden loud noise. “Leave! Now!” Patton looked at Logan’s heaving form, saw his terrified eyes, and his shaking hands, and wanted nothing more than to stay. But he didn’t want to make anything worse, and so he reluctantly left, giving a halfhearted remark about how Logan should join the others to watch movies later that night.

Logan leaned against the door as Patton closed it behind him. He started crying. Not a few, silent tears, but sobs, sobs that racked his chest and tears that stained his shirt. A realization hit him like a freight train.

Patton had been growing more detached as he stayed in Logan’s room, and yet Logan had continued to grow increasingly upset. These emotions, these tears were undoubtedly his own.

And he hated it.


End file.
